Thursday, November 25, 2004

Random Lines From Short Stories I'll Never Write

Bill’s head hurt and he was having difficulty focusing his eyes – but he could see well enough to recognize that the naked and snoring figure next to him was that of former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft…..


Justin Timberlake emerged from the room with crimson stains and gray matter splattered all over his white tee shirt. "Shit," he said, " I guess they’re going to blame me for this, too"…..


In the background, the Food Network was on and some middle-aged woman was prattling on – "Cream cheese has many practical uses," she intoned, "but a sexual lubricant is not one of them." Bob did a double take and nearly spat his coffee onto the counter…..


Kurt and LaTrell were still celebrating the team’s victory and they failed to notice that the locker room was now empty ….and the doors were locked! Thus began a voyage of discovery that night that neither would ever speak of again…..


It had bothered him for years. "Dammit," he muttered, "shouldn’t you want to rock and roll all day and party every night?"


Steve glanced at his watch and winced. If he was going to go to Wal-Mart for the balloons and streamers, run by the drycleaners, get the car gassed up, behead his boss, pick Chelsea up from day care, and get the mail to the box by 5:00, he was going to have to hustle…..


"What the f....?" Whatever that was on Earl’s baked potato, he knew it wasn’t sour cream….


Malcolm glanced around the room at his competitors and chuckled to himself. Whatever their qualifications, he was quite confident that no one else’s resume’ boasted of the ability to eat five boxes of Fruity Pebbles in one sitting and having once accidentally boned a penguin.

3 Comments:

At 10:49 AM, Blogger fairygirl701 said...

LMAO! Thanks for the laugh Paul, I like the way you think!

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

I didn't know that you had a blog, Paul! Well, not until Chuck mentioned you on his most recent post!

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger ginger said...

This is so great!

 

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