To The Delight of Millions, I'm Back / Tribute To Unknown Sears Salesperson

I took an entire week off from work last week – I never do that! It was explained to me that I had more leave time built up then I would be allowed to carry over into the next year and that, despite my thoughts to the contrary, the place would survive in my absence.

I made a pledge to stay off the computer during my time off and spend time with my son. We cleaned his room, went Christmas shopping together in Monroe, went to the park, to the zoo, and played a lot of Gamecube.

Cleaning the house for Christmas preparations, buying last minute gifts, assembling toys, etc. was a lot more exhausting than actual employment-related work. I actually said that I was looking forward to returning to work so that I could rest. I was also sick for part of that time; I had to stay home Monday due to illness.

My home computer is semi-disassembled as I got new computer toys – I asked for and got a USB 2 port and a new graphics card with a TV-out jack. This is all I really wanted. I had originally wanted a TiVo, but now that I’m considering the Dish network package, I wanted to wait on that.

As usual, our house won the “Most Garbage Bags In The Front Yard For The First Trash Pick Up Day After Christmas Contest” for our street. I’m sure the garbage men look forward to this day.

I read other blogs yesterday and today upon my return to work to catch up. Several sites discuss favorite Christmas songs and most favorites are traditional. Thus, it is embarrassing to me that I look forward to hearing novelty songs instead, especially all of the Bob Rivers novelty songs. There was a channel on XM Radio during the holidays devoted to Christmas novelty songs 24/7 and it was great! I am somewhat reluctant to say that my children tended to favor “Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo” as their top holiday song. Against my wife’s wishes, I let my five year old and nine year old watch the South Park holiday classic this year. They loved it, but I’m sure my parenting skills leave much to be desired as a result. Oh, well. I watched “Monty Python” and read National Lampoon when I was not much older, and (arguably) I turned out okay.

I have two Christmas memories that come to mind. One concerns a Christmas Eve break-up several years ago and I’ll relive that in another entry. The other is shorter, so I’ll include it here:

Approximately eleven years ago, I was a relative newlywed. We had no children at the time. I had no idea what to get my wife for Christmas. I have an aversion to spending money on jewelry. My wife seems to accept this. Anyway, we needed a vacuum cleaner, so, hey, why couldn’t that be one of the presents? I know, I know – I’m older and wiser now and I realize that that type of thinking only occurs now on “Everybody Loves Raymond” where Raymond never seems to wise up, despite years of marriage. So, I’m in Sears in the mall in Pine Bluff looking at vacuum cleaners at Christmas time. A very, very nice middle-aged black lady comes over and asks if she can help me. I ask her about a couple of vacuum cleaners and we more or less decide on which one is best. I’m going to buy it, and, presumably, she will rack up a sale. But then, to her credit and my everlasting gratitude, it comes out that I am buying this for a Christmas present for my wife and that we haven’t been married for very long. She immediately lets me know that this is a bad idea and that perhaps I should purchase something a little more personal than a vacuum cleaner. I can sense that she knows what she is talking about and I thank her for her time and her honesty. Wherever you are, lady, thank you again – I’m still married to the same wonderful wife. And it is okay now to give each other “practical” gifts for Christmas.

The "wonderful wife" comment reminds me of a decision that Carrie and I made on Christmas Eve. We were preparing supper and we had the small television in the kitchen on. The news went off and “Wheel Of Fortune” came on. We noticed that every contestant always says they have a “wonderful” or “beautiful” wife or husband. We agreed that if either of us are ever on a game show (again), then we will remark to Mr. Sajak or whomever that we are married to “ a horrible shrew who drains the very life from me” or “ an abusive bastard whom I can’t wait to leave when I win a lot of money.” Do you think that would be edited out?