Rambling Incoherence

It is Saturday freaking morning and I AM AT WORK - 40 miles from home. This is very rare, but a deadline to submit a brief to the Arkansas Court of Appeals is looming, and it is too difficult to write a brief either at home (children!) or during regular business hours. So, here I sit, having already worked for about two hours producing stunningly brilliant argument and legal analysis that will so impress the appellate judges that they will immediately offer me a seat on the court.

It is now break time; time for a diversion to clear my head.

I checked the usual websites and read the usual blogs. The latest blogging craze seems to be the "100 Things About Me". Lemming that I am, I jumped right in. I am up to #53 so far.

I'm not sure I will ever post the list, though, unless it is edited. And I hate to do that....Why, you ask? (Or, you may not ask.....Recent posts have brought no comments....of course, this is my fault --I'm not posting daily, I'm still flying under the radar and not really telling anyone that I'm blogging, I've been too lazy to set up links to the other blogs that I read so that they will perhaps return the favor, I've been extraordinarily busy, and, due to home computer problems, I can only blog from work.....Excuses, excuses, excuses. Could be that recent posts have sucked and been completely uninteresting, too.)

I digress. Back to why I'm not sure I will post the 100 things list: First of all, way too many of the entries thus far relate to incidents that occurred while I was either drinking or using controlled substances, or both. I'm not sure I want to disclose that. What if I ran for public office one day? (Of course, I have always said that if I ran for public office, I would never, ever deny having smoked marijuana, etc. Too many people know differently). Second, it gives the wrong impression. I really was considered to be one of the "good" kids in high school. I made good grades. I got Good Citizen awards. I got the Leadership award in band. I went to church every Sunday morning and choir and evening services every Sunday evening. But this was the late 70's and early 80's --the Reagan Era slogan "Just Say No" had not yet materialized. So, for the most part, even the "good" kids occasionally drank and smoked pot. The "bad" kids did even more. I wasn't out getting drunk and/or high every day, but I certainly experimented. Third, what if one of my children or one of their friends reads all of this one day? I'm going to be viewed as a major hypocrite when I try to counsel them against drinking or using drugs. To say that I regret ever doing any of that would be a lie, but it is also true that I was extraordinarily fortunate that I emerged from all of that without incident. Many of my friends were not so fortunate. One died from a drug overdose.

Of course, in writing all of this as to why I'm not sure I will post the 100 Things list, I go ahead and disclose the drinking and drugging anyway, don't I? I don't want to be perceived as glorifying or encouraging experimentation. My experiences were a part of who I am, though --- and they aren't that wild, anyway (no midget or enema stories) -- it's not like my experiences would fit in with the debauchery I've been reading about in the Motley Crue autobiography, The Dirt.

So, the dilemma -- post the honest "100 Things" list and worry about any possible repercussions.....or, post an edited "100 Things" list and be pissed at myself for wimping out? Or just abandon the idea altogether?