Hey, Hey, They're The Osmonds....

Most music fans probably have at least one “uncool” act that they secretly like. I’ve always liked the Osmonds – all permutations of them (the Osmonds, Donny Osmond, Marie Osmond, Donny & Marie, Jimmy Osmond….well, okay, maybe not Jimmy…). It likely has to do with timing – they were at their height of popularity in the early 70’s and I was around 8 years old and making the switch from liking country music to pop music. I had an infatuation over Marie. The girls at my school were infatuated with Donny. Now, I never went through a “girl hating” phase. It’s supposedly common to not like girls at that age, think they are gross, etc. Not me – I always liked girls. So, when I started reading about the Osmonds and buying their records, it was not out of some gay pre-pubescent lust for them – I wanted to be them – especially Donny. I figured that if girls went ape over him and if I could be like him, then they would go ape over me (didn't really work)…. So, I bought all of their singles.

I DIGRESS, AND THIS IS OF INTEREST, AT BEST, TO LOCAL FOLKS: Back then, you could buy singles at Kroger’s in Hamburg for 77 cents, at Foote’s grocery store, and also at the drug store that was on the corner where Sawyer’s is now – in Crossett, I bought singles at Magic Mart and Howard Brothers – this was a few years before Wal-Mart opened. I remember this because when Wal-Mart opened, I had graduated to being a Kiss freak and I picked black eyed peas from our garden and sold them each week to make enough to buy each Kiss album until I had them all – albums were about eight bucks then. Since we still lived in Portland in the early 70’s, I also bought singles at the drug store in Lake Village – this brings me back on point…..

I remember winning an award in the third grade at Portland Elementary School – the prize was $1.00 and I bought the single of Donny Osmond’s “Puppy Love” at the drug store in Lake Village with my winnings. I didn’t get many Osmond albums – albums were comparatively expensive and were reserved for Christmas presents. I do remember getting a K-Tel Donny compilation called Donny Osmond Superstar one Christmas – I still have that album.
Along with the albums, I got the magazines that featured the Osmonds – 16, Spec (a 16 offshoot), Tiger Beat, and Fave (a Tiger Beat offshoot, I think). I wish I still had some of them.
As with most teenybopper acts, the Osmonds fell out of favor after a few years, but I always tried to keep up with them. I watched the Donny and Marie show, even though I had moved on to hard rock. When Donny had a brief resurgence in the late 80’s with “Soldier of Love” and “Sacred Emotion”, I paid attention, even though I didn’t like those songs. When Tipper Gore spearheaded the music censorship movement in the mid-80’s, I was glad to see Donny join Frank Zappa, Dee Snider, and others in opposition. I even watched Donny host “Pyramid” a time or two. And when the Napster craze hit, I downloaded a lot of Osmond songs ( I was especially pleased to find Donny’s version of “Stayin’ Alive” with Dweezil Zappa and other rock guitarists.) I bought and read Donny’s autobiography a couple of years ago. My nephew dug out his Osmond lunch box and discovered via E-bay that it is worth a little something now (sadly, he no longer has the thermos, or it would be worth more).
One of my most recent CD purchases has been an Osmond compilation called “Osmondmania.” When I listened to it, it occurred to me that the better music of the various Osmond groupings was made by the Osmond Brothers rather than Donny. Donny was steered toward the syrupy stuff, particularly remakes of old 50’s and 60’s pop hits. The brothers, though, rocked considerably harder. One of their songs, “Hold Her Tight” nicks the primary riff from Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.”
A few years ago, a lot of alternative artists paid tribute to the Carpenters with a compilation CD covering Carpenters songs. The Carpenters were almost as reviled or uncool in the early 70’s as the Osmonds were. It seems to me that the Osmonds deserve equal treatment – It’s time for Sonic Youth to cover Donny & Marie’s “Deep Purple.” It is time for the Hives to cover “Down By The Lazy River.” It is time for the White Stripes to cover “Crazy Horses.”
This would beat the hell out of that Eagles tribute album (I despise the Eagles – but that’s another post).
Anyway, thank you, Osmonds, for being an influence in my formative years.