Oscar, Oscar, Oscar......

....is what Tony Randall used to say to Jack Klugman on The Odd Couple when he was exasperated with him.

Anyway.....

Just once before I die, I want to be involved in a movie, t.v. show, recording, or whatever to the extent that I am on the red carpet before an award show and I am interviewed by Joan or Melissa or Star or one of those other completely useless people (I did like it when Kathy Griffin asked Steven Tyler how much money he made in 2004, though -- and he answered the question!) -- I want to be able to say that my suit came from J.C. Penney or S&K Menswear or some other bargain outlet. And then I want to ask Joan where she had her plastic surgery done.

I liked Chris Rock. The proceedings needed a kick in its self-indulgent ass and he gave it to them. He probably won't be asked back. NOTE TO SEAN PENN: it's called a JOKE, you sour-faced prick. Maybe you should go back and watch your performance as Spiccoli in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High." I'm sure Chris Rock cried himself to sleep. And Chris was right - Jude Law does seem to have been in every (reportedly) half-assed movie released in the past year.

I missed about an hour of the show while taking care of other people's business; doesn't appear that I missed much EXCEPT the Carson tribute and something I read about elsewhere involving a Chris Rock skit.

As has been the case for several years now, I had seen very few of the nominated movies. I saw Ray, the Incredibles, Shrek 2, Shark Tales, and Harry Potter. I very much wanted to see Sideways, but it never made it to my area, as far as I know.

All of the songs sucked, except the Counting Crows, but then I'm partial to rock and not partial to Antonia Banderas singing. And I'm not much of a Beyonce' fan. I always enjoyed the video of that Counting Crows song - instead of featuring Shrek characters, it featured a strange looking animated rabbit.

I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby and, amazingly, still don't know what the "big secret" is in the movie. It was spoiled for my wife by some radio d.j. but she's been kind enough to keep me in the dark until I can see it.

I have zero interest in seeing The Aviator - if you want to see a good Howard Hughes movie, then rent Melvin and Howard.

For all the great work that Don Cheadle has done, I can't get it out of my head that the first place I saw him was when he played the desk clerk on the mercifully short-lived sequel to The Golden Girls where all of the "girls" except Bea Arthur bought a hotel to run. (And, like Ginger from "A Sweet And Somber Fairy Tale", it is difficult to forget him as the cowboy in Boogie Nights.) He was also good in his portrayal of Sammy Davis, Jr., in The Rat Pack on HBO.

Well, since Sideways didn't win Best Picture, maybe it will be out on DVD more quickly....